The Story of a “Happily ever after”-Part 2

Your McDreamy is not so dreamy after all. You realize that its his hair and not silk..! Its oily and undressed most of the time. You start thinking, “Why can’t he have simple black eyes like me? Why does it have to be brown..!” The same jokes that made you laugh once are just irritating now. His gentle care-giving attitude, although impressive, is annoying you. You are just bored out of your mind to look at the same face every day.

Thus we enter the third phase which has the most cliched name, the reality phase. Its the phase that punctures that wall of idealization that you have been building beforehand. It is when you start thinking whether you really like this person and whether you two could work. You think of your possibilities together and start rating your relationship on a balance of success and failure. If the relationship blossoms, there are greater rewards. Of course, you need to be “uncomfortably” honest with each other to reach there. And the odds are never in your favor. It is said that it is hard to get through this phase.

Image

The next phase is a serious phase and the name itself makes you get serious – the commitment phase. You decide that he or she is the one.  You decide what things to do together and what things to do without them. You leave every thought aside and try to think about making this work. You start to unconsciously negotiate. You start hearing things like, “you are clogging my space” or “I need some space please”.

Understood properly, the commitment phase is said to be your last chance to really see what you are getting into. You have gotten away from McDreamy and you know how different you two are. You also know where your wavelengths match. So, its all about setting a balance and reminding yourself about your individual differences. What components of your personality are working and what are troubling can be identified.

Image

And finally we reach the last phase most of us are familiar with – the marriage phase. It is said to be the most troubling relationship phase of all. No wonder you can find lots of jokes on married couples 😉 If you do want to know what goes on in this stage, its very easy really. Don’t think I am gonna ask you to marry. You just need to hear the jokes on them. I am sure you would get a fair idea.

So the next time you find a “happily ever after”, you know what you’re dealing with (I hope).

Signing off…

Advertisements

The Story of a “Happily ever after”-Part 1

You watch a classic. The hero and the heroine lock eyes across the hall and fall in love. They can’t live without each other and decide to get married. They fight the villains and the unsupportive families. Ultimately they get married and live happily ever after.Wow! Such a fairy tale right? So what actually happens in this “happy forever” phase? Well, psychology explains this in stages. So, grab your popcorn and coke to listen to its story.

happily ever after

The first stage is where it all begins-locking of her eyes and his eyes..attraction phase!

From the eyes of a girl– I suddenly observe a tall and handsome man enter the hall. He has a broad chest and a well built body. His hair, brown in color is silky smooth and almost touches his collar bone. His dark locks which make him all the more appealing. His eyes are brown and dreamy and I feel lost in them. He wears a black silk suit and has a golden rose emblazoned on the upper left sleeve. I could look at him all day long.

Yes. The most important factor in the law of attraction is the physical attractiveness of the person.

Also, people are more likely to become friends with people who are close-geographically, relatively, etc. Psychologists call it proximity.

The next two are the common ones-similarity and reciprocity. We look for commonalities in them and see if they reciprocate our liking.

The next phase (which I find as the most interesting phase) is called the honeymoon phase. Don’t be fooled by its name. It has nothing to offer in *those* lines.

The guy and the girl go on a date. Prior date preparations are something like this.

The first thing that crosses a girl’s mind is, “What am I gonna wear???” She spends almost 2 hours of her time trying to find an answer to this question. She tries on dress after dress rejecting the previous one thinking, “I want to look perfect there. And this is not even close”

The guy too tries to look his best, brings his best game on. He tries some good perfumes and deodorants, probably Axe 😉

This entire date would be about showing that you are the best-funny, smart, intelligent, broad-minded and sexy of course.

Psychologists say that honeymoon phase is the key phase where one builds up a good head of steam which would hopefully get him or her through all the other stages. The real term for it is “idealized positive transference.” Idealized, that’s easy – that’s your image of the perfect person for you. Positive, well that’s a very positive image; it’s all good things. Transference: you take that from inside of you and you put it onto the other person. This is when you see the person not for who they are but for who you really in your deepest dreams hope they will be.

Up until here, it is all about “McDreamy”. So what is next then? What would happen when the dream breaks? What will happen when you are confronted with reality? What will happen when all the greater questions of life come into picture? What will happen when you just get bored of playing Mister or Miss Perfect? Stay tuned to know more.

Signing off…